Archive for the ‘Uncategorized’ Category

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Details have started to emerge on why Chicago’s Bid for the 2016 Olympics failed. Chicago was considered by many to be a frontrunner, the USOC backed the bid and had great  public support including President Barack Obama.

We all know how the real world works, its not about what city put out the best proposal, its about what city used their power and influence to help fill the pockets of the IOC Evaluation Committee.

So what went wrong, Chicago played their part, giving some money here, do a favor there, etc. After successfully hosting the 2006 AIBA Boxing Championships they were told they were the frontrunner.

This is where the story comes full circle. I was able to recently interview an anonymous source whose identity can not be revealed due to safety concerns. For purpose of this story he told me to call him “Cash” .  Cash told me “I made sure the bills got paid if you know what I’m sayin”. He said the blame for the failed bid should fall squarely on one man. He would only call him CP. CP was apparently a club promoter and ” a man who knew how to locate things, anything you could think of” , “he pretty much ran the club scene at that time”. Late May 2008, IOC committee members were in town, CP was charged with making sure they had the time of their lives. CP did his job, for the most part. The IOC requested some female “guests” while they were in town, apparently CP was in a bind, because he had already sent his best girls to another club to entertain a rapper and his entourage.  CP knew he was sending over bottom of the barrel girls to IOC members, but for whatever reason  CP got some lower quality girls, as Cash put it ” I wouldn’t have touched those stank-ass tricks if I was wearing a Radiation Suit”,   Cash believes CP paid them a few bucks, sent them over, pocketed the extra cash. ($80K, per Cash). 

Everything went well that night, IOC members were so far gone it didn’t matter and they all seemed to have a great time. Until a few days later when the IOC members all got infected with Cash likes to call the “crotch crickets”.

Needless to say IOC members were  upset , so upset they put Chicago out of the running in the 1st Round of the vote in June.  CP was disgraced, he was blacklisted and exiled from the city, know one knows of his whereabouts at this time.

As many of you are well aware, the world lost one of its biggest stars with the tragic passing of Macho Man Randy Savage. Randy was a beacon of light in what can be a bleak and depressing world. Randy was a true Renaissance man a triple threat, an elite athlete, world-class entertainer, and brilliant musician (check out the song  “Be A Man” if you are doubting).

You all are probably asking why, why are you bringing this up? I was just starting to move on with my life and just finally be able to accept he is no longer with us. Well the reason I bring this up is because of the lawsuit that was filed against the estate of  Mr. Savage.

Phantom Pike Enterprises has filed suit against Mr. Savage for breach of contract, trademark infringement and a multitude of other false claims. I rarely interject my own opinions into the articles that I report but I cannot stand by and allow to Macho Man Randy Savage’s good name be dragged through the dirt.

According to Phantom Pike Enterprises CEO Derrick Pershall, he claims to have coined the term “SNAP INTO A SLIM JIM”  while in a creative braintrust meeting with Mr. Savage. Here is the statement Mr. Pershall made regarding the meeting. “I was doing some freelance marketing work at the time and was put in touch with the agent for Mr. Savage, I was honored to work with Mr. Savage as I was just starting out in the business and we were discussing a new ad campaign he had recently become the spokesperson of. We kicked around a few ideas and then it just came to me. I said SNAP INTO A SLIM JIM  and Mr. Savage thought about it for a second and said “OHH YEAAAAHHH!!” I thought we had struck gold, but the next thing I know I was struck by the large left boot of Mr. Savage directly into my chest and then he dropped his elbow on my face.  He said to me before he left, “If I ever see your face again you COWARD, you’re gonna wish you were blind because I’m gonna split you like a log”, he then spit on me and said “SNAP INTO  SLIM JIM, OHH YEAAH”

Needless to say you can see how absurd these claims are, because everyone knows that Randy had a heart of gold and would never do something like that.  Even if he did do this, this guy probably deserved it and he is a coward waiting until Randy had passed until he filed his lawsuit, slim jim hasn’t used those commercials in years. This Derrick Pershall doesn’t even deserve to be mentioned in the same breath as Macho Man Randy Savage.

RIP RANDY-YOU WILL BE MISSED

The Colonel’s Secret Spice?

Posted: September 21, 2011 in Uncategorized

You may have heard about KFC’s Colonel Sanders secret recipe. What is so secret about it? Does it contain crack cocaine? Hard to say but we received  advance copies of the discovery from the recent lawsuit filed in Story County, IA (Haroldson V. KFC, Inc & Yum Brands).  A former employee  of the Ames, IA KFC , J.D. Haroldson contests that KFC forced him to draw up to 400 ml of blood each day. Why would a KFC force any employee to draw blood you ask? drug testing? The true reason may be much more sinister and appalling. Haroldson could not reveal what the blood was used for due to the Non-Disclosure agreement he signed regarding KFC recipes, however he did make a statement, “People will be shocked when they find out what those secret spices really are.”  So is blood the true secret to the colonel’s delicious chicken? Unfortunately we cannot confirm that at this time. But would it really be all that surprising, Rumor has it Colonel Sanders would eat live chickens, so maybe that is where his flavor inspiration came from.

Apple Juice?- I’ll pass

Posted: September 16, 2011 in Uncategorized

Rumors were swirling around why exactly Steve Jobs was stepping down as CEO of Apple.  Most thoughts were his diminishing health were the main cause, however we have learned through an unnamed source(Tony Quisenberry-President of OCEE Beverages) that the real reason behind his departure is a new business venture.  Apparently jobs is working with OCEE beverages on a line of apple juice, but not just any juice. Jobs has a loyal following of fans and they see him as a visionary and really want understand and feel the brillance that just exudes out of him.  And now they can:

All bottles of Steve Jobs-Apple Juice will include 97% real washington apple juice and 3% will include, yes you guessed it, Steve Jobs’ Urine. 

Just remember where you heard it first

Vanity Worth Your Sanity?

Posted: September 14, 2011 in Uncategorized

I received an advance copy of the Journal of Neurobiochemical Sciences, I found an article that appeared to be of particular concern. Researchers at Catawaban University in Quebec have linked the use of  Muscletech brand “NEUROCORE” super-concentrated Pre-workout stimulant  to an abhorrent amount of side effects not listed on the product which include: Paranoid schizophrenia, Bipolar Disorder, Early On-set Alzheimers, Impotence and Male Pattern Baldness.  The question you got to ask yourself, is it really worth it?

The Product in Question

 

The Second Coming of Pat Tillman?

Posted: September 14, 2011 in Uncategorized

While eating lunch at a local establishment yesterday, I couldn’t help but overhear this man yelling in a disembodied voice, “I’M PAT TILLMAN!  I’M PAT TILLMAN!”  Seconds later the man seemed confused and disoriented.  I have to wonder if Pat Tillman had actually taken control of this man’s body for a brief period of time to warn of the end of days.  Is it a coincidence that this event happened on the same day of the spontaneously combusting van?  Could Pat Tillman be attempting to get back at those who covered up his death?  I have to wonder if there is a reason why Pat Tillman would choose this man, who has been seen at various GOP fundraising events, to make his entrance back onto the living plane?  Could it be he plans to use this man’s body to gain access to events where top government officials will be in attendance?  Sound off in the comments below.